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Domestic Abuse and Violence

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What is Domestic abuse?

Domestic abuse refers to any incident or pattern of incidents of controlling, coercive or threatening behaviour, violence or abuse perpetrated by a current or ex-partner or family member.

Domestic abuse can take different forms – see below. It can happen to anyone, regardless of age, gender, religion, sexuality or ethnicity and unfortunately, is commonly experienced. It can also be well hidden from family or friends outside of the abusive relationship. Sometimes an individual themselves may not recognise they are in an abusive relationship.

Most people will experience some difficulties in their relationships, but to know whether a relationship is abusive you should look at how the behaviour of your partner or family member makes you feel. If you feel scared, intimidated, controlled or unable to talk to anyone about what you are experiencing, it is likely this is abuse.

For those who are experiencing abuse it is important to understand this abuse is not your fault, is not acceptable and you have a right to feel safe, and live independently without fear. There is help available below. You can also report the abuse to the police who are trained to respond effectively to survivors of domestic abuse or you can do this online by reporting here:

It is important to seek support/help, particularly if the abuse is getting worse, you feel unsafe or in danger and/or if you are pregnant or have young children. We appreciate that seeking this help or support is not straightforward or easy, the clinical team at SHL are here to support you when you feel ready.

Types of abuse

  • Physical abuse – hurting people physically.
  • Sexual abuse – when someone is forced or pressured to be involved in or perform sexual activity without their consent.
  • Financial abuse - taking control of somebody's money and not allowing them choice. This makes it more difficult for the person to get away from their abuser and to get help.
  • Emotional or psychological abuse - destroying a person's feeling of self-worth or independence. This can be by verbal abuse (blaming, shaming, shouting, using put-downs or insults), isolating them (keeping the person away from their friends or family), or using threatening or intimidating behaviour.
  • Controlling and coercive behaviour - acts or a pattern of acts of assault, threats, humiliation, intimidation or other abuse that are used to harm, punish, frighten an individual or control them.
  • Stalking and harassment – where a victim is subjected to a pattern of unwanted fixated and obsessive behaviour from/by another person which is repetitive, persistent and intrusive. This behaviour makes the victim distressed or fears violence.
  • Female genital mutilation (find out more FGM – National FGM Centre)
  • So called "honour-based" violence - when a woman is punished for bringing shame on the family by doing something which is not permitted in their culture eg, inappropriate dress, seeking divorce, having a boyfriend from another group of society, pregnancy outside of marriage.
  • Forced marriage - marriage that is forced to take place without the consent or free will of the person getting married.

Covering your tracks online

You may not want other people to know that you’ve been searching for information or help. When you browse the internet on a mobile phone, tablet or computer, you leave a ‘history’ trail of pages and sites you’ve visited. If you’re worried about someone knowing which sites you’ve been looking at, there are some things you can do to help cover your tracks. Visit Covering Your Tracks Online (Victim Support) for more information.

How can SHL support you?

SHL offers service users the opportunity to have a supportive telephone discussion with an Independent Domestic Violence Advocate (IDVA). An IDVA is a specialist that can provide advice and support to adults and young people experiencing abuse from a current or former intimate partner or family member, regardless of gender or sexual orientation. The SHL IDVA is part of the clinical team based at Chelsea and Westminster Hospital, London. 

When you order a test kit you can opt to request a call back from the IDVA/SHL clinical team or you can contact the IDVA directly yourself by calling 0203 315 4515 or emailing recall.shl@nhs.net.

The support offered by an IDVA is tailored to your needs and wishes, some examples of support available include:

  • Risk assessment, risk management and  ongoing safety planning
  • Emotional support and empowerment, supporting individuals to make informed decisions
  • Working with survivors of domestic abuse to increase their, and their dependent's, safety and well being
  • Tailored safety planning
  • Advocacy and liaison with services such as housing, police, social services, health and mental health services
  • Information and support with housing, including access to emergency or alternative accommodation options and free home security measures
  • Support through the Criminal Justice System and assistance in accessing legal advice  e.g., attending court hearings for emotional support
  • Information and support about Civil Orders and Injunctions
  • Signposting and support to access services such as, emotional support services and counselling, legal advice and substance misuse support

Please note, if you choose to be contacted by the IDVA team their calls may be from a with-held number or the Chelsea and Westminster switchboard number – 0203 315 3000. Please do let the team know if you have any safety concerns.

Support organisations